My relationship with writing over the years.
I'd say that writing has become a core part of me at this point. It has brought me comfort, allowed me to vent, and share my thoughts and ideas with others. But sometimes I do wonder where my love for writing came from, since I don't remember it always being this way.
The beginnings of my passion, at least as far back as I can remember, began in 5th grade. I don't know how many other people experienced this, but when I was going through 5th grade, our teacher would encourage us to respond to a question to begin the day, then we would all sit in a circle and one by one share what we wrote in our notebooks. The questions were pretty simple, like "What's your favorite animal?" or "What's your favorite place to visit?" Stuff like that.
I still have that notebook. Back then my spelling and grammar was atrocious lol, but regardless, I found the concept fun. I still remember when we were given a question that asked us what do we find annoying or something along those lines, which lead to me going on a rant about how much I hate going to the barbershop due to my barber constantly talking and getting distracted and how long the whole thing took. Good times. I never spent any time writing outside of school, but the seeds were being planted.
Moving ahead to middle school and we got ELA. I also had ELA in 5th grade, but the ELA classes throughout my middle school years are what I remember most. I look back fondly on those classes, the stories we read and had to analyze were pretty solid and the assignments weren't too hard and were fun at times. I believe this is where I began to improve my spelling and grammar.
Aside from that, my most vivid memory of how my writing skills were during this time actually comes from social studies. One assignment that we had to do was trying to tell the story of Paul Revere and his midnight ride from a narrative perspective. It was a group project, but I did pretty much all the work. I didn't mind however, since I was becoming pretty proud of what I was making. I became so engrossed in the project that I still worked on it even after the school day was done. A big chunk of the day was spent on writing for this assignment. I really wanted to put in full effort.
My group ended up getting an A+, and that was the spark that made me realize that I could make something that I'm proud of through writing if I put my mind to it.
During summer break after middle school ended, out of boredom and a desire to converse with others, I made a Reddit account, with my first few posts having to do Five Nights at Freddy's related discussions and theorizing. This was when I learned that I loved discussing or theorizing with others about media that I enjoyed. It's one thing to come across content having to do with those things, it's another thing to actually take part of it.
Since I was hyperfixating on FNaF at the time, I began dipping my toes into what it's like to write fanfiction. Creating an AU which... looking back was insanely ambitious. I had created a Google slideshow that went up to 161 pages. Pages that detailed characters, events, quotes, locations, plot points, and other stuff that I wanted to add to the AU. I even wrote a story that functioned as a proof of concept of sorts for the AU on a Google doc. A story that I consider to be the very first written story produced by me (that wasn't for a school assignment at least).
Three days after I had written it, a small streamer and friend of mine, who has experience with writing, read it out loud on one of his streams. I was ecstatic that he was impressed by what I wrote, but was still willing to give constructive criticism. That was when I realized that I really wanted to do more of this and see if I can improve. I would later drop the AU. Too ambitious and all over the place. Yet, I learned a lot in the end.
Fast forwarding a bit, I end up in a mental hospital. Not going into all the details behind that of course, but while I was there I discovered something that I now do consistently: Journaling.
During a time where I was at my most stressed, depressed, and hopeless, journaling down my thoughts every day did bring some comfort. It also helped me with communicating with the therapists there. I don't do well with in-person conversations for the most part. My social life was never strong and so often times I have a hard time putting things into words. Writing helped with that, as I can think carefully about what I want to say on paper and not have to worry about pausing or stuttering or going back on something I previously said. Moving forward with the rest of my therapists, I often used writing to communicate with them whenever I felt like I wouldn't be able to put whatever I wanted to say into words.
I eventually left the hospital and continued to journal. I also created a Tumblr account, in part because I wanted to further expand my discussions, but also because Reddit left me unsatisfied from unsuccessful posts and miserable due to people's behavior on that platform. I now gravitate more towards the former website since it's much more appealing and I find more thought provoking content on there.
Come High School and I have shared my writing with either my friends or teachers. Something that always brings a smile to my face, especially when they share their own thoughts and interpretations on my stories. This year I even delved a bit into poetry. My first attempt at a poem was impressive enough to the point that my English teacher stated that I should get it officially published. Something that I actually do intend on doing at some point in the future.
Of course, like any other writer, I've ran into some conflict. At times I've felt demotivated, writer's block, frustrated with my posts not gaining enough attention or sparking conversation like I wanted, and hard on myself.
My friends and teachers say I could write a book, but I don't think I'm anywhere near that level yet. I'd say I'm still an amateur at best. There's still plenty of room for improvement and I can only hope my skills as a writer improves as time moves forward. I've accepted recently that I should simply take my time with what I write and even if it feels like my ramblings don't get the reach that I want them to, I will always be grateful that at least one person out there took the time out of their lives to read what I wrote.
So... thank you for reading and have a snazzy day :)